Disappearing Messages as a Care Practice
Disappearing messages are often misunderstood as a way to hide information.
In practice, they are better understood as a way to limit what people are asked to carry.
This note explains why disappearing messages exist and when they help.
Why messages don't need to last forever
Most conversations are temporary:
- coordination
- questions
- planning
- emotional processing
Archiving everything by default turns normal conversation into permanent recordkeeping — often without consent.
Letting messages disappear restores a more human rhythm to communication.
Disappearing messages are not about secrecy
Using disappearing messages does not mean:
- something inappropriate is happening
- trust is lacking
- accountability is avoided
More often, it means:
- fewer screenshots floating elsewhere
- less accidental exposure
- lower cognitive and emotional load
When disappearing messages help most
They are especially useful for:
- group coordination
- logistics
- sensitive but ordinary conversations
- temporary teams or events
They are less appropriate for:
- decisions that require long-term reference
- documentation or policy
- shared records that people agree to keep
Setting expectations matters more than settings
Before enabling disappearing messages in a group, say why:
We're using disappearing messages here to keep this conversation lightweight and reduce clutter.
Norms prevent confusion better than features.
A literacy frame
Disappearing messages are a reminder that:
- not all information needs permanence
- consent includes how long information exists
- good communication considers downstream effects
This is digital literacy applied to care.